My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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