If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
