I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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