Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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