just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
