i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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