Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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