Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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