Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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