he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize