I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
