I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
