He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
