I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
