I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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