she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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