just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
