man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
