after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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