I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
