But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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