After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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