so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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