I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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