At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
