I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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