Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
