update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
