ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We have so much sex to catch up on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
