I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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