She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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