You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
