i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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