I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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