Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
