A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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