dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
