how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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