so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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