We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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