I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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