She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
