Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we should paint friendship bongs
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