I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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