Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
