Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
