I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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