Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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