so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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