You're my little dorito
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
