I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
