You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He has the fingertips of a God
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