yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
