remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pants are for mortals
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
