After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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