Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
