You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
