Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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