I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
