she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
