I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
