Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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