whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
