I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
