Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the day after is always just damage control
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
