He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
